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Author Topic: The Great Wall lyrics  (Read 292 times)

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Offline BoneDigger

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The Great Wall lyrics
« on: February 28, 2018, 03:53:46 AM »
This is a song that I wrote maybe a year ago and laid down a VERY rudimentary track on it. I've since decided to revisit and I redid the lyrics a bit. Any comments on this are appreciated.  In the track (see at the end of the post), it's very repetitive and my wife says she doesn't like that aspect, though it may also be about the content :).  So, I have rearranged this a bit and added more content.

Thoughts?

The Great Wall
Chorus:
That old girl of mine ain’t easy to love
That old girl of mine ain’t easy to love
She built a wall, ten feet tall around her heart
And she ain’t gonna let you get inside
You can try to climb
But you’re gonna lose your mind
Cause that old girl of mine ain’t easy to love

I met her, back home in Carolina
Back where the wild yellow jasmine grows
She walked into my heart down in Carolina
Places in my heart that only she knows

I love her like the wind, loves the springtime
Like the colors of the fall and the morning dew
I love her and I know that she damn well knows it
I love her and I know that she loves me too

Chorus:
But that old girl of mine ain’t easy to love
That old girl of mine ain’t easy to love
She built a wall, ten feet tall around her heart
And she ain’t gonna let you get inside
You can try to climb
But you’re gonna lose your mind
Cause that old girl of mine ain’t easy to love

I guess it’s time to look into the mirror
And see what kind of reflection I can see
The truth is, what I see
The man looking back at me
He’s the happiest man, that he can be


Chorus 2:
Cause that old girl of mine ain’t easy to love
No that old girl of mine ain’t easy to love
She built a wall ten feet tall around her heart
And she ain’t gonna let you get inside
But while you were trying to climb
I found a door to the other side
And I’m going to stay right by her side

Looking back now on when I met her
25 years ago went by so fast
But this love is here to stay
It ain’t never goin away
And this old girl of mine is easy to love

Chorus 3:
Cause this old girl of mine is so easy to love
This old girl of mine is so easy to love
She built a wall ten feet tall around her heart
And she’s gonna keep me right inside
You can try to climb
But you’re gonna lose your mind
Cause that old girl of mine is mine to love

Original version BAD recording here:
https://mcmakinmusic.com/track/1138407/the-wall$

Offline way2lon

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Re: The Great Wall lyrics
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2018, 08:20:04 AM »
That doesn't play for me Bones
What a pity we can't know in advance who the spoiling minority are!

Offline papaG

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Re: The Great Wall lyrics
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2018, 04:07:54 PM »
Got a John Prine thing going on I think is really cool. Don't know that I'd change that at all. Add an upright bass and a simple harmony vocal and you're gold.


The repetition could be eased by opening with a verse instead of the chorus. Or perhaps just the last line of the opening chorus. It says "here's what this song is about" and get to it. You don't need 4 chorus's unless you are looking for song length but then an instrumental break could give you the extra time and also a little variety within the song.


Lyrically, I get it, overall, but I feel a little disconnected. The transition from 'hard to love' to 'easy to love' was expected, however, how it happened is missing for me. Let's call the chorus lyrics 'action'. Building walls, climbing, etc. By itself it works well enough. And each of the verse also works by themselves, and with each other. I don't feel the they're leading me to the chorus though. The feel good, nature symbolism (v 1 and 2) is cool but I was looking for it in v. 3 and 4 as well. Also the concept of the verses seems to be one of 'feeling' as opposed to the 'action' of the chorus. That might be your intention, IDK.

From one perspective, you'll need to decide what you want to tell the world. Is it the "I had to work hard to get here" concept of the chorus, or the "this feels good" concept of the verse. Or find a way to marry them to make it one cohesive piece.


Also look at who the lyrics are speaking to. It seems there's a bit of difference in that from the verse to chorus as well.


I could listen to this a few times but for me, its just not a hit...yet. And I think it could be.


Just my 2 bits worth...




Offline BoneDigger

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Re: The Great Wall lyrics
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2018, 07:53:29 PM »
Thanks for the response. I've made some changes and hope to get it recorded soon.